Wrapping myself up and gifting myself to you as a birthday present would make me seem vain, so I decided to present you with my life-sized portrait instead.If life were a game of soccer, I would be the multi-million dollar striker and you would be the faithful water boy I wave to at the end of every big game.Today would have been the perfect occasion to write sweet words about the greatest, most spectacular, uniquely exquisite friend in the world, but I already finished my autobiography a month ago.As you grow older and wiser, may you also become senile and forget about the money I’m owing you.However, this year I want you to use this time to reflect on the finer things in life, and when I return from the club you can tell me all about them. We could use the occasion of your birthday to party our fat asses off like we always do.As men, it’s not appropriate for us to shed tears when exchanging gifts on special occasions, but the one I’m giving you today cost me so much that I have to cry.You are such a special person that when you’re about to die I hope they freeze your brain so that it can be implanted in a robot a thousand years from now.We all know that wisdom comes with age but then, I see no signs of aging in you at all.Congratulations on this one more year of survival through your math class.You don’t have to worry, I have already informed the fire service department in this area. Today, I give you permission to illuminate candles on your favorite cake – your birthday one.It gets older but never better! Wishing you a good birthday! Did I remind you? You are an exception, though. Birthdays are the days nature says us to have more portion of cakes.But then, unfortunately, I could not find a place to light enough candles. It is going to be tasty and just like you want it. I made some cake for your birthday this year.Assume I did them all to you and stay happy! Happy birthday, dear! Just imagine what you would love to listen on your birthday, what kind of gifts you would like that you will cherish it forever.